Hey Pepto Bismol

Hey Pepto-Bismol!

 

Serving as the Swiss army knife of the medicine cabinet, Pepto-Bismol has been helping America fight stomach sickness since the early 1900s. Most everyone has experienced the unmistakable chalky bubble gum taste that is Pepto. Though it is a well known product its history might just surprise you. While today Pepto is used for common non-serious stomach problems resulting from strange foods or other conditions, its first use was to treat a serious medical illness. At the start of the 20^th century a frightening disease was present known as “cholera infantum” This disease targeted babies and infants with horrible diarrhea, vomiting, and in some cases even death. Frustrated with a lack of medication a Doctor in New York concocted his own formula for treatment of cholera infantum. His formula was called Bismosal. The Norwich Pharmaceutical Company first listed Bismosal: Mixture Cholera Infantum in their mail order catalogue in 1901. In 1919 Bismosal’s name was changed to Pepto-Bismol in order to encourage use by adults and not just for infants and babies. Pepto-Bismol quickly became Norwich’s leading nonprescription drug. In 1982 Pepto came under control of Procter & Gamble, who made it available in several countries worldwide.

            I had an idea several years back that has to do with Pepto-Bismol. I thought to myself. Wouldn’t it be funny to switch out the Pepto with strawberry milk and then chug it like crazy all while in heavily populated places? Just imagine it, you’re sitting on a bench in a mall, much to your chagrin a quiet man sits down next to you quietly and produces what seems to be a bottle of Pepto-Bismol from a coat jacket. He then proceeds to take several large gulps. This might strike you as a bit odd, but I think everyone could understand this stranger’s upset stomach which he is treating with a quick gulp of the Pepto and yeah it’s a little strange he carries around a bottle with him, but whatever, maybe he just couldn’t get a hold of any tablets. Several minutes pass and this quiet stranger starts drinking more of the Pepto…so much that he appears to be chugging the remainder of the bottle in one fluid motion. When the bottle leaves his lips a loud Ahhh! Is heard as well as a smacking of the lips all indicating that he thoroughly enjoyed the Pepto. At this point you’re curiosity is running rampant. Why is this freak chugging Pepto all while appearing to be fine. Does he love the taste; is he just simply drinking it because he wants to? You shake off the curiosity and continue reading your magazine or people watching, anything to avoid eye contact…you’re .trying to prevent a certain awkward conversation with the stranger. You’re clever rouse is successful for a couple minutes…but inevitably you look back in his direction, not directly but through the corner of your eyes. To your dismay you see the stranger looking side to side almost making sure no one is watching him, synonymous of someone participating in suspicious behavior. When he is content that no one is paying attention to him he produces ANOTHER full bottle of Pepto from his coat jacket, cracks the lid, gives one last cautious look and chugs the bottle in one gulp looking much like a thirsty wanderer in the desert who has just been handed a cold pitcher of water after several days of cotton mouth. This is probably the time when you conveniently remember you have to be somewhere…mainly anywhere but next to this complete freak.

            You see, I secretly strive to be this stranger. Going around doing harmless things to provoke a general sense of oddity and give people around me crazy stories to tell their friends. I know what you’re thinking. It wouldn’t work because strawberry milk isn’t thick enough right? Yeah you are right, that why you have to add a little bit of milk thickener that you would use in baby milk formula. Just the right amount would give you the perfect consistency to really freak people out. Here’s another funny idea for ways to make people give you odd looks. Go to a McDonalds or something, a place where they serve strawberry milkshakes. Order your milkshake and sit in a corner of a heavily populated seating area. Make sure you look overly suspicious. Ideally you’d be wearing a long jacket, a fedora and of course dark dark sunglasses. You’re going to want to be alone on this because it adds to your mysterious vibe. When it’s obvious that there are people looking in your general direction. do the suspicious looking from side to side and produce from your jacket a bottle of “Pepto”. After giving several more cautionary glances lift the edge of the plastic lid on your milk shake and pour some of your “Pepto” into the shake. Ideally the people now looking at you might not know that you have a milkshake at all, for all they know you’re drinking sprite or coke. Imagine the confused looks on their faces when they see a mysterious stranger mixing Pepto into his drink. It is very important to pour Pepto into the shake several times…all of course while looking around suspiciously…as if your Pepto is something illegal. See this is just plain harmless fun sure to give witnesses a colorful story to tell all they see. Tales of the crazy mysterious Pepto guy in the corner. On the flip side of my idea there’s the whole putting actual Pepto-Bismol in an empty bottle of strawberry milk...while sure to put a funny look on someone’s face expecting a nice big gulp of strawberry milk. I find my first way more affective on so many more levels.

I don’t know if you’re experienced this before, but those Pepto tablets can turn your tongue black. When I say black I don’t mean a darker shade of red. I mean pitch black. Not knowing this, I woke up one morning and got the crap scared out of me when I started brushing me teeth. I kept spitting this black stuff with my used toothpaste. I was dumbfounded. Was there something on my toothbrush? Nope. I opened my mouth and looked in the mirror. My tongue was completely black. I thought I had the plague. After several moments of freaking out I jumped on the internet and found the culprit...the Pepto tables I’d taken the previous night. The black wore off my tongue in a couple of days. Just imagine the fun you could have with your kids if their having an upset stomach. “Here Johnny take one of these tablets, get into bed and I’ll tell you a bedtime story”. Tell little Johnny about the bubonic plague and randomly drop in something about how a black tongue appeared on those who contracted the plague. After kissing him goodnight, let the Pepto take its course. The next morning you will probably awake to screams of terror from little Johnny when he discovers HIS tongue is completely black. Certainly he has somehow contracted the plague. Now would be a good time to inform little Johnny that a certain cure for the plague is cleaning up his room and doing his chores. Upon the completion of these tasks, casually remember that Pepto tablets turned his tongue black and not the bubonic plague. It’ll be fun. Though it will only work once, it will be 100% affective. Just don’t send me the psychiatrist bill. After all is said and done I hope you will remember all these historical facts and useful ideas whenever you “think pink”.