Fruit Monster?
When I think of my youth I can't help but remember the times I spent mesmerized watching sesame street on TV. I grew up in the country without any cable so we only received three stations. PBS was a popular choice when I was young with great shows like Sesame Street and Mr. Roger's Neighborhood, as well as random other shows such as 3-2-1-Contact and Where in the world is Carmen Sandiago. No show however influenced me more then Sesame Street. I would spend countless hours watching the adventures of Bert & Ernie, Elmo, Grover, and Cookie Monster. Today the sesame street I once knew is being threatened by the health craze taking over our nation. Sesame Street which started its 36th season earlier this week kicked off a Healthier Habits for Life campaign. On one hand I applaud Sesame Street for working to help today's youth by engraining in their mind the concept of eating right. I do, however on the other hand, find it to almost be blasphemy for Cookie Monster to switch from his cookie in taking lifestyle to a "Healthier" diet of fruits and vegetables. Perhaps the intake of cookies is quite important to the imaginary species of "cookie monsters". So important it would seem that instead of the common moniker of "monster" it has to be classified as a different sub-phylum of "Cookie". What if cookie monster needs these cookies to live? What if for his kind the cookie is essential for life? Apparently Sesame Street plans on having a series of sketches and songs where cookie monster is introduced to vegetables and fruits as a better source of food, then "it's diet essential for life" cookies. Let's get real honest here, I don't think the cookie monster is the most intelligent cast member on "the street". I mean those weird googley eyes always staring blankly in different directions reminds me a lot of a hot dog vendor I saw when I was young at a professional baseball game. Cookie monster might not realize that if he stops eating cookies....he will die. He is too stupid to know any better. Soon "the suits" on "the street" will have him sucking down fruit smoothies and V8 as his body slowly dwindles away. All while he pleads desperately into the camera with that knowing voice yelping "cookie".
I remember the day when I was watching Sesame Street and I made a startling revelation. I realized that the cookie monster who so famously tore through a plate of a dozen cookies wasn't ACTUALLY eating ANYTHING! Thats right he would just cram them in his mouth crush them up a bit and the crumbs and pieces of mutilated cookie would fly haphazardly all around him. Not only was the cookie monster not eating the cookies, but he was wasting food! As my mother used to say upon my not eating the veggies, there's starving kids in Africa and you won't even eat your butter beans! Well dammit cookie monster, there's starving children in Africa and you won't even EAT your cookies! I was jaded that day when I realized the lack of eating done by the cookie monster.
On yahoo oddly enough section there is a screenshot of cookie monster being taught by Hoots, by song, teaching cookie monster to enjoy fruits and vegetables too. (Hoots, of course being the saxophone playing owl in sesame streets exclusive Vegas style shady jazz club) Oddly enough though in the pictures they are surrounded by a barrage of fruits and vegetables, some are "puppetized" such as an apple and a banana. Isn't that strange or awkward for the talking banana and apple. "Hey cookie monster we're delicious you should eat several of us every day "Hey, cookie eat my brother apple, he's delicious." How messed up is this, these puppetized fruits and vegetables are rooting for cookie monster to EAT THEM. Essentially it'dd be like a person throwing another bleeding person to a great white shark all while singing about how delicious people taste, Now that's some mafia sounding stuff. If I were the fruits and vegetables that could talk I'd be running like hell! I mean we've all seen the cookie monster tear into a plate of cookies...it's not pretty. I can hear the horrific cries of the fruits and vegetables AHHHHHHHH!!. To make things worse the fruit and vegetable people wouldntt even be completely eaten, they'd only be crunched around in his mouth and spit back up to slowly die on the cold ground. Fruit and vegetable juice smattered against the walls and floor. Even the CSI guys would want to hurl upon seeing that horrific scene.
Beyond the obvious oddness of the cookie monster quitting the cookie eating business there's another issue that in the real world, would present itself...to put it simply, bowel movements. Anybody whose diet has or was changed quickly has most likely experienced the joys of the stomach adapting to the new type of food intake. Can you imagine a diet of strictly cookies...and then switching only to vegetables and fruits. Oh my goodness. You'd be living in the bathroom sitting on a ring of fire, not a good thing. You need some roughage man.
What if cookie monster really takes to the eating of fruits and vegetables...what if he loves them and can't stop eating them. It is with this thought that I present the following scenarios:
Scenario 1: Veggie Tale Nightmare
Cookie monster running rampant on the set of the religious oriented cartoon "veggie tales". Cookie runs hunting down every last veggie ripping into their flesh with a carnal savageness. A Blur of blue fur hurdling toward the giant celery stick guy as he runs awkwardly from certain death and is losing the race.
Scenario 2: Dirty Underwear
A fruit of the loom commercial with the guys dressed up like grapes, apples and the other fruit standing on a stage in front of the public in a question answer format type of setup with the press. Suddenly catapulting out of the crowd is a crazy googley eyed beast still with carrot juice dripping from his furry mouth. His battle cry of "FRUIT" as he take decapitates the grape guy with on bite. Not only would this be a bloody horrible scene, but since the fruit of the loom people aren't actually fruit...but people..cookie monsters attempted eating of the walking fruit might introduce him to the taste of human flesh.
Once this happens the cookie monster will have to be put down so that he doesn't go on Hannibal Lector like rampages eating all the children who once knew him as the loveable cookie monster.
Some things in life are just to precious to be changed due to social pressure. The cookie monster should be allowed to eat only cookies. It's his god given right as a cookie monster. But NO, "the suits" at PBS have to be socially "cool" and introduce him to fruits and vegetables. Nice going Sesame Street, you've single handedly turned the loveable cookie monster into a natural born cannibalistic killing machine. When will the madness stop? When?
I remember the day when I was watching Sesame Street and I made a startling revelation. I realized that the cookie monster who so famously tore through a plate of a dozen cookies wasn't ACTUALLY eating ANYTHING! Thats right he would just cram them in his mouth crush them up a bit and the crumbs and pieces of mutilated cookie would fly haphazardly all around him. Not only was the cookie monster not eating the cookies, but he was wasting food! As my mother used to say upon my not eating the veggies, there's starving kids in Africa and you won't even eat your butter beans! Well dammit cookie monster, there's starving children in Africa and you won't even EAT your cookies! I was jaded that day when I realized the lack of eating done by the cookie monster.
On yahoo oddly enough section there is a screenshot of cookie monster being taught by Hoots, by song, teaching cookie monster to enjoy fruits and vegetables too. (Hoots, of course being the saxophone playing owl in sesame streets exclusive Vegas style shady jazz club) Oddly enough though in the pictures they are surrounded by a barrage of fruits and vegetables, some are "puppetized" such as an apple and a banana. Isn't that strange or awkward for the talking banana and apple. "Hey cookie monster we're delicious you should eat several of us every day "Hey, cookie eat my brother apple, he's delicious." How messed up is this, these puppetized fruits and vegetables are rooting for cookie monster to EAT THEM. Essentially it'dd be like a person throwing another bleeding person to a great white shark all while singing about how delicious people taste, Now that's some mafia sounding stuff. If I were the fruits and vegetables that could talk I'd be running like hell! I mean we've all seen the cookie monster tear into a plate of cookies...it's not pretty. I can hear the horrific cries of the fruits and vegetables AHHHHHHHH!!. To make things worse the fruit and vegetable people wouldntt even be completely eaten, they'd only be crunched around in his mouth and spit back up to slowly die on the cold ground. Fruit and vegetable juice smattered against the walls and floor. Even the CSI guys would want to hurl upon seeing that horrific scene.
Beyond the obvious oddness of the cookie monster quitting the cookie eating business there's another issue that in the real world, would present itself...to put it simply, bowel movements. Anybody whose diet has or was changed quickly has most likely experienced the joys of the stomach adapting to the new type of food intake. Can you imagine a diet of strictly cookies...and then switching only to vegetables and fruits. Oh my goodness. You'd be living in the bathroom sitting on a ring of fire, not a good thing. You need some roughage man.
What if cookie monster really takes to the eating of fruits and vegetables...what if he loves them and can't stop eating them. It is with this thought that I present the following scenarios:
Scenario 1: Veggie Tale Nightmare
Cookie monster running rampant on the set of the religious oriented cartoon "veggie tales". Cookie runs hunting down every last veggie ripping into their flesh with a carnal savageness. A Blur of blue fur hurdling toward the giant celery stick guy as he runs awkwardly from certain death and is losing the race.
Scenario 2: Dirty Underwear
A fruit of the loom commercial with the guys dressed up like grapes, apples and the other fruit standing on a stage in front of the public in a question answer format type of setup with the press. Suddenly catapulting out of the crowd is a crazy googley eyed beast still with carrot juice dripping from his furry mouth. His battle cry of "FRUIT" as he take decapitates the grape guy with on bite. Not only would this be a bloody horrible scene, but since the fruit of the loom people aren't actually fruit...but people..cookie monsters attempted eating of the walking fruit might introduce him to the taste of human flesh.
Once this happens the cookie monster will have to be put down so that he doesn't go on Hannibal Lector like rampages eating all the children who once knew him as the loveable cookie monster.
Some things in life are just to precious to be changed due to social pressure. The cookie monster should be allowed to eat only cookies. It's his god given right as a cookie monster. But NO, "the suits" at PBS have to be socially "cool" and introduce him to fruits and vegetables. Nice going Sesame Street, you've single handedly turned the loveable cookie monster into a natural born cannibalistic killing machine. When will the madness stop? When?
posted by travis at 1:26 PM
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